How is it still possible to have my mind blown at 51 years of age? I thought I had a decent education. I did. I did have a decent education. I had a Trapper Keeper in junior high, I read some books, and I worked well with others one time in a group on a project. I should know the basics of life shouldn’t I? I should.
There is so much I don’t know. I’m reminded of this almost every morning at coffee. I don’t know much about the Mayan calendar or mathematics for instance. I did not know, as another example, Thomas Edison was pretty much deaf and many people considered him to be a jerkface a-hole. I do love learning these brand new things so I’m glad I haven’t learned everything yet. But I did have a good education. I’m sure of it.
I admit, though, I’m a little reluctant to fact check the things I’ve learned recently in case they turn out to be disappointingly untrue. That’s one of the drawbacks of checking facts I suppose - disappointment. But I might find some of my new facts to be true, and I’ll be extra happy so it is worth the risk. So what have I learned that is so AmaZInG?
(I’m going to write my new discoveries down right here and now then check if they are truthy or not, so we’ll ride this thrillcoaster together)
First - Glass is a liquid I just learned. Wait, what? I’ve broken glass as recently as last week. Sorry to the 3 plates in the Common House last Sunday. I thought you were stacked. I mean, you were stacked, but something happened and you became rather quickly unstacked which is a euphemism for breaking into a million little pieces. The plates rapidly unstacked themselves into a million little pieces. I wish those glass plates were liquid. They could have been wiped up instead of swept up. Wiping beats sweeping any day of the week especially Sunday.
How can glass be a liquid? Rumor has it that the stained glass in Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris has stained glass so old that the tops of the windows are thinning while the bottoms are thickening due to gravity’s effect on the glass. So cool. Could it be true? No. Way. But I want to believe it. I want glass to melt without the help of funny mushrooms.
I’m so tempted to not look this up right now and just start telling people everywhere, including you, that glass is not a solid, it is a liquid that just melts really slowly just look at Notre Dame Cathedral and you’ll see. That’s how rumors get started.
But I’m scared. I might look like a poorly educated idiot if it turns out glass does not melt. But if this is true and glass does melt, I look like a poorly educated idiot anyway for not already knowing this amazing fact. Maybe “idiot” is too strong a word. Maybe I’m just uninformed or misinformed or not up on the current research in the field. Idiot is definitely too strong a word.
After all, I went to a school with an open floor plan so at any given moment I could tune into my teacher Mrs. Penland reading A Wrinkle in Time, or Mr. Winkler lecturing on the presidents, or Mrs. Schmutz going over long division. All these teachers wore clogs so you know they were the real deal. I had a good education.
Or I might have just watched the hamster running on his wheel or tried to get the piece of Bubble Yum off the underside of my desk because there has just got to be a little flavor left in it. What was I going to not do maybe? Oh yea, look up the thing about glass not being a solid and slowly melting. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.
Here I go. I’m gonna do it.
(Imagine Jeopardy music playing for 18 seconds)
And there I went.
I’m not sure what to say.
I don’t even know where to begin.
So, glass is… glass is not a …. Shit.
What to say? It’s sort of like…. No. It’s more like when…. So, say if like when you.... Shit!
I can’t even explain. Forget I even brought it up in the first place. Just forget it.
So how have you been? Did you see the game? For sanity’s sake, why can’t there just be a simple answer to a simple question? Sorry. I can’t write anymore. Sorry.