Saturday, September 22, 2018

Butter Pecan Cornbread Upends Culinary World ! OMG.

The most supportive thing I heard today was, “You got this T.  You can’t mess up cornbread.  Last time I cooked it I didn’t even have a recipe in front of me.”

Thank you for your support and confidence.

I did run into a little buttermilk problem.  The buttermilk problem was a result of a Not-scrolling-all-the-way-down -the-page-while-looking-at-the-ingredients-list problem.  Using the Transitive Property of Close Enough Food Substitutes I surmised that buttermilk is dairy and yogurt is dairy so in went the yogurt.  Cheese and ice cream were also up for consideration, but I couldn’t find any cheese and I don’t think the world is ready yet for Butter Pecan Cornbread so the yogurt won by default.  Oh, I almost forgot about the Chocolate Soy Milk option but vegan/vegetarian was already nixed as you’ll soon see.

Another problem is fractions.  What is ⅔ times 2?  It’s more than 2 right?  No.  Because ⅔ is less than 1 and 2 times 1 is 2.  Result.  I just put some salt in.

Gotta mention the Spoon Differentiation Problem.  I don’t drink tea, so I’m not really sure how much a teaspoon is.  I do use a spoon at meals while sitting at the table so I’m fairly confident I know what a tablespoon is, but what if I’m having soup.  Is a soup spoon a tablespoon?  What if I’m eating soup at the table?  Or, what if I’m having soup standing up at the kitchen counter because I’m in a hurry.  How much is a counterspoon? I put about 4 of those of butter in the cornbread mix.

I think I nailed the eggs.  2 eggs.  BAM!

Tomato, tomahto, potato, potahto, soda, powder.  Baking is baking and i put some white baking stuff in. 

Grease the pan.  Grease the pan?  What has a lot of grease? Lots and lots of grease?  Bacon has lots of grease.  Bacon grease the pan.  Not vegetarian or vegan cornbread now.  Sorry folks.  The bacon was delicious!

20-25 minutes at an oven preheated to 425 degrees or until golden brown on top.  What do you mean “or”?  Minutes don’t vary in length by longitude or hair color do they?  20-25 minutes - full stop.  Similarly, 425 degrees is 425 degrees.  I’m assuming Fahrenheit here.  Is there such a thing as a Celsius oven.  How much is 425 degrees Celsius?  Isn’t that like the molten core of the sun.  I don’t think this cornbread would last 25 minutes at the molten core of the sun.  What if I’m gold/brown color blind?  What if my oven doesn’t have a window to peak in (mine doesn’t)?  Won’t all the heat come out if I keep opening the oven to check the golden brownness of the top?  No wonder I never cooked anything before.  This is nearly impossible.

Nearly impossible but delicious it turns out.  I got this!

1 comment:

  1. T! T! T! This made me laugh out loud. Thank you. You have excellant writing skills and I always look forward to each new posting of yours. Keep it up. Please.
    Hugs to you my friend,